Evolve with me

I don’t know what is going on, but I just feel full of love lately… I just can’t stop writing about the damn thing! It might have something to do with the fact that I’m going home all the way to Brazil next week and I just feel so nostalgic. I’m going for my mum and step dad’s 25th wedding anniversary and I can’t wait to give them a big hug!

My auntie and uncle have also recently celebrated their wedding anniversary (their 50th!) and all these celebrations have made me reflect about couples, life as a couple, choosing the right person, and deciding to stay with that person. I found myself asking the question: what is it that makes people want to stay together? I mean, sometimes it seems as though the whole universe is conspiring to show us why we shouldn’t be with someone. Sometimes, so many challenges are put in our way that we think that we are missing a trick by not just letting go. But then, despite it all, we insist, because we believe that somehow that is meant to be. And why is that? In a world of instant relationships, where giving up is all so easy, why some of us still persevere and try to overcome bad times to stay with someone?

I guess it all comes down to the roots of said love, the reasons that brought the couple together in the first place. It could be the way she talks, it could be the way he is always so thoughtful, her clumsy ways or his talents as a chef. Or it could be none of these or all of them together. The thing is, somehow, somewhere right there in the beginning, a ‘ping’ moment happened, that moment when you realise that ‘Yep, that’s the person for me and I shall stop looking around for anybody else’. Bingo!

This choice, when made, usually means that you sort of become more adaptable to the traits of that person. You know them well, their annoying bits and their best bits, and you learn how to endure the abrupt way they can respond to you when they are in a rush, her annoying habit of asking silly questions when watching movies, the complete disregard he has for the laundry basket, the way she needs to be so controlling. These – and many other characteristics and behaviours – become just part of that person, part of the partner you chose.

Nowadays, when relationships go wrong, people can too often just discard them. Far too many times, they blame the work that is involved to keep a happy relationship. Well, of course there’ll be work involved. Even though we have been made to ‘mate’, we are very much individual human beings, with all our quirky traits and odd behaviours. So to think that joining two people, even if they are attracted to each other, is as easy as joining two pieces of magnet, think again. Some adaptation is required, and not only just the once. On an ongoing basis. Oh yes…

So, if it’s so much work, why do we still do it? The way I think of it is because the pros outweigh the cons. A little adaptation, a little understanding, a bit of accommodating and patience are not that much, when you get great company, fantastic laughs, affection in abundance and someone that genuinely cares about you in return. There is something about that person that makes it ok for you to wake up a bit earlier than them to make them coffee. There is something special that makes you not mind having to put up with their messiness, their ‘leave me alone’ moments and their obsession with never ever , God forbid, using a fork to scrape a pan. The same way that they put up with your fear of motorways, your useless ways in the kitchen and the way you like to change the furniture around all the time. It’s a very balanced but unspoken trade.

There is a song that kind of describes what I’m talking about. You will know it. It’s that one that goes… “Nobody knows it, but you’ve got a secret smile, and you use it only for me…” I think this song says a lot about couples staying together. To me, it represents that underlying understanding that is always there somehow and pushes you through limits but always makes you stronger. You see something special in someone because what is special about them is somehow highlighted to you in a way that others can’t see. These understanding looks, smiles and gestures keep that connection, keeps them protected. If these are treasured and the two of you manage to keep them intact, then you will be just fine.

Couples that persevere are brave. I heard someone say the other day that they are kind of embarrassed to mention that they have been happily married for over 20 years. People just look at them incredulous, doubting that that could ever be true. Why not? It’s a great thing to find someone for whom you are willing to adapt yourself, so you can grow stronger together. If that person is happy to do the same for you, even better (or lucky, shall we say?). And when a couple is willing to evolve together for an amazing length of time, like my auntie and uncle, and my mum and stepdad, then only one thing can describe that: true love.

Happy? So be it!

As with many of us, the approach of a new year makes us look at life and analyse where we are, what we are doing and how we want things to happen in the future. This thinking is what forms goals and plans for the times ahead. However, no matter how great it is to have a plan for the future, it is also an amazing thing to be in the present, feel it and discover happiness in it.

The happiest people aren’t the ones with the most money, things, friends, power, attention, health or even love. Neither are they always the ones with the least. The happiest people  are the ones who practice gratitude and focus on loving life consistently (and ok, having goals and trying your best to achieve them helps too!).

So in this post, I would like to take the opportunity to list a few reasons to be grateful and HAPPY about this crazy little maze that we call life.

1. Nature: who doesn’t love the sunset? It’s my favourite part of the day. I like all the colours turning into one, the sun going smaller, smaller and smaller until it disappears into the ocean or behind the hills. It makes me feel calm. And it’s free, with access to anyone who cares to open their eyes to appreciate it.

2. Random kindness: a chat with the neighbour, some unexpected help when you need it, a smile when you don’t expect it. These little surprises make life what it is, a little magic trick waiting to happen.

3. Art: it’s everywhere, even you make it, I bet! Again, it’s a case of opening your eyes to the new, to the crazy, to the inspiring and let your newly found perspective broaden your mind. Seeing it, reading it, listening to it, watching it will only enhance your life.

4. Nice food, especially if cooked in good company. Chop, chop, chop, chat, chat, chat (drink, drink, drink). The greatest recipe I’ve ever known.

5. Great people around you. Happy people are infectious, so the more ‘happies’ you have around you, the more are the chances of you being happy too. Surround yourself with positive people and your mood will reflect their joyful spirit.

6. Great working environment. Working with people that inspire you, understand you and value your work makes the 9-5 part of your life a pleasure, not a chore. If you love what you do, even better! Just don’t forget to count your blessing here, as many people work for the weekend.

7. A great network. A big family that likes to interfere in everyone’s business (like mine), great close friends and a partner that ‘has got your back’ is all you need anytime: when you are down, to pick you up; when you are happy, to celebrate with you.

8. Fun times. Appreciate having fun when you can. Our crazy daily lives don’t always allow specific times to have fun, but you can make the time for it. Have a laugh with your colleague at work, make a joke when you can, do an impromptu little dance, laugh with others. And always remember to find the funny side of things. There is always one.

9. Good health. Be grateful for being healthy and enjoy looking after yourself.

10. Live in the present and savour every moment as if it was your last.

So there you go: these are my reasons to be happy and grateful. Would you care to share yours?

33 it is, then!

Well, well, well… and here it is again, my bloody birthday, once again! Now sorry if I can’t sound more positive, I just can’t at the minute and I blame nothing other than the astral hell everyone goes through in the 30 days or so before their actual birthday. At the moment, I cannot wait for the universe to start a big shift and let me off the hook for a bit… and the worst is that I can’t even tell what is wrong exactly… perhaps the car in front of me that was going too slow, the traffic lights that went red just as I was approaching them, or maybe the slow people I have to swerve past in the very full supermarket? Yes, you can see that they are not even good enough reasons to be annoyed, but for a person with little patience like me, anything can set me off, really. And then I start analysing it all and it’s all wrong, wrong, wrong, when I know perfectly well that it’s not, really.  It’s been like this for many years now… the period just before my birthday is a crazy hell with ghosts and clouds everywhere.

But now that my birthday is well and truly over (well, in about 3 and a half hours, anyway), I can confirm that the black clouds should be making a move to reveal a very blue sky, or so I hope. I am now 33 years old and oh dear me… how I wish I was 5 years younger! Just 5 would do! My mum keeps telling me how young I still am but it doesn’t matter… From now on, it’s official: until the idea that the thirties are the new twenties sinks in, I no longer like my birthday. I no longer wish to think about how old I am so I can just about put up with the presents as reminders of the date (haha), just as long as no one asks me how old I’m getting. It shall be a secret from now one and it should be ok since everyone seems to have such short memories nowadays.

Amongst all this negativity – and please forgive me for this, if you managed to bear with me until here – I have to thank one article that miraculously made its way to me this week. Someone out there must have a mission to cheer me up and hey, haven’t they done just that? So, here is the news… Apparently, the age when people feel at their happiest, according to a recent study by Friends Reunited, is – guess what? – yes, 33! So I should be well on my way to true, uncontested happiness. Done.

With 6% claiming that they were at their happiest during their college years and only 16% saying that their happiest period was during their childhood, the following result is still the most shocking of all to me: over 36% admitted that their happy levels soared once they settled down and had children. Yes, CHILDREN! My biggest fear, my biggest doubt,  the reason I ask myself every day why can’t I be 5 years younger!? Maybe I’m missing something here…

But what makes 33 the magic number?

Apparently, this study found that over half of us believe life is more fun at 33, with 42% admitting to feeling more optimistic about the future and 38% revealing they stress less at this age than they did when they were younger. The study also discovered that many of us seek happiness through our professional achievements, with 21% admitting they felt happy when they excelled at work.

Talking about the study’s findings, psychologist Donna Dawson said: “By 33,  innocence has been lost, but our sense of reality is mixed with a strong sense of hope, a “can do” spirit, and a healthy belief in our own talents and abilities. We have yet to develop the cynicism and world-weariness that comes with later years.” Mmmmm… I already find myself being really cynic sometimes and I should not be doing that as yet. Must change.

Anyway, here I am… 33 years old and already a grumpy, impatient and bitter old lady. Ha ha ha. No, not really. I am actually quite a cheerful person, usually, especially when people are not being slow near me (ouch!). I reckon there is still a great lot to learn and this is what I should base my brand new year on. At the moment, though, I hope this grey cloud goes away asap an take with it all the astral hell of this particular time of the year for me, as all I want at the moment is to get a bit of sunshine onto/into my newly older self. Bring on the so claimed happiness of the 33! I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.